Today's multiple choice quiz

Today, I received the following note:

Just as a reminder that as of May 1, 2007 the residence of [name of apartment complex] are no longer aloud to park in the parking lot to the north of the apartment building. The ICI parking lot.

Thank You

The foregoing was written by--

(a) My eight-year-old niece;
(b) Borat; or
(c) The temporary property manager of our apartment complex.

If you guessed (c), then you are (unfortunately) correct. Is the Hoosier State's brain drain problem worse than we estimated?

Looking for Books

Here is the first edition of Looking for Books, a new semi-regular feature of HWAW intended to help you sift through new reading options.

For this edition, the selections focus on the Muslim world.

Hardback: The Reluctant Fundamentalist, by Mohsin Hamid

This is a book that pivots on a smile. A third of the way through Mohsin Hamid’s second novel, “The Reluctant Fundamentalist,” the narrator, a young Pakistani man named Changez, tells an American how he first learned of the destruction of the World Trade Center. While on a business trip to Manila, he turned on the television in his hotel room and saw the towers fall. “I stared as one — and then the other — of the twin towers of New York’s World Trade Center collapsed. And then I smiled. Yes, despicable as it may sound, my initial reaction was to be remarkably pleased.”

The novel begins a few years after 9/11. Changez happens upon the American in Lahore, invites him to tea and tells him the story of his life in the months just before and after the attacks. That monologue is the substance of Hamid’s elegant and chilling little novel

Read on for a full review.

Paperback: The Kite Runner, by Khaled Hosseini

This powerful first novel, by an Afghan physician now living in California, tells a story of fierce cruelty and fierce yet redeeming love. Both transform the life of Amir, Khaled Hosseini's privileged young narrator, who comes of age during the last peaceful days of the monarchy, just before his country's revolution and its invasion by Russian forces.

But political events, even as dramatic as the ones that are presented in ''The Kite Runner,'' are only a part of this story. A more personal plot, arising from Amir's close friendship with Hassan, the son of his father's servant, turns out to be the thread that ties the book together. The fragility of this relationship, symbolized by the kites the boys fly together, is tested as they watch their old way of life disappear.

Read on for a full review.

Signs

No, not M. Night Shyamalan or Tesla.

I'm talking about the signs at my health club. Specifically, I'm talking about signs that some people apparently don't read.

To wit:

SPIT IN TRASH CANS ONLY

This particular sign is posted near each water fountain at the club. But every morning that I go to work out, I find a loogie in one of the water fountains. Nothing like a nice frothy hocker staring you in the face as you bend down to take a drink.

PLEASE TURN OFF AFTER USE

Two signs with this request appear near the electronic scale in the locker room. The scale runs on batteries that tend not to last very long; hence, the signs are necessary. However, nearly every time I walk past the scale, I see that someone has used the scale and left it on. I usually turn it off at least once every trip to the gym. Sometimes, I turn it off multiple times. A bit obsessive compulsive on my part, I know. But I want to weigh in every morning, so I want the scale batteries to last. Therefore, I turn off the scale.

The signs are conspicuously posted. The water fountain signs are right above each fountain. Unless you're severely myopic, you should see them long before you bend down to take a drink. The scale signs are posted on each side of the scale's LCD readout. Anyone who looks at the readout to see his or her weight should see the signs. What's more, the words are done in large, boldface blue and red font so the words stand out.

And yet, the signs are ignored. Why? Are people simply too busy to absorb the words in front of them, too lazy to be bothered with the instructions, or simply acting in defiance of authority? Is there some sort of "sign rebellion" going on at my health club? If I'm correct about human nature at all, the ignorance is willful, as illustrated by this story from Colorado. Many of us have a defiant streak, especially if obeying instructions means that we'll have to suffer an inconvenience.

However, I'll continue to be the sign police at my health club. I'll continue to turn off the scale, and I'll continue to complain about the snot in the water fountains.

Lyrics in Focus: "Thou Shalt Always Kill" (2007)

I know virtually nothing about Dan Le Sac and Scroobius Pip. Here is, however, what I do know:

• The video for their song, "Thou Shalt Always Kill," has become the viral video of the moment.
• Scroobius Pip, who is the MC on the track, looks a lot like Matisyahu and sounds vaguely like Ali G.
• The song bears a strong resemblance to LCD Soundsystem's "Losing My Edge."
• The lyrics are a baffling combination of banalities and riffs on pop culture. When listening to the song, I don't know whether to laugh at the artists or laugh with them.
• This is not a "meh" song. In other words, you'll either love it or hate it.

The lyrics:

Thou shalt not steal if there is direct victim.
Thou shalt not worship pop idols or follow lost prophets.
Thou shalt not take the names of Johnny Cash, Joe Strummer, Johnny Hartman, Desmond Dekker, Jim Morrison, Jimi Hendrix or Syd Barret in vain.
Thou shalt not think that any male over the age of 30 that plays with a child that is not their own is a peadophile.
Some people are just nice.
Thou shalt not read NME.
Thall shalt not stop liking a band just because they’ve become popular.
Thou shalt not question Stephen Fry.
Thou shalt not judge a book by its cover.
Thou shalt not judge Lethal Weapon by Danny Glover.
Thall shalt not buy Coca-Cola products.
Thou shalt not buy Nestle products.
Thou shalt not go into the woods with your boyfriend’s best friend, take drugs and cheat on him.
Thou shalt not fall in love so easily.
Thou shalt not use poetry, art or music to get into girls’ pants. Use it to get into their heads.
Thou shalt not watch Hollyoakes.
Thou shalt not attend an open mic and leave as soon as you're done just because you’ve finished your shitty little poem or song you self-righteous prick.
Thou shalt not return to the same club or bar week in, week out just ’cause you once saw a girl there that you fancied but you’re never gonna fucking talk to.

Thou shalt not put musicians and recording artists on ridiculous pedestals no matter how great they are or were.

The Beatles - Were just a band.
Led Zepplin - Just a band.
The Beach Boys - Just a band.
The Sex Pistols - Just a band.
The Clash - Just a band.
Crass - Just a band.
Minor Threat - Just a band.
The Cure - Just a band.
The Smiths - Just a band.
Nirvana - Just a band.
The Pixies - Just a band.
Oasis - Just a band.
Radiohead - Just a band.
Bloc Party - Just a band.
The Arctic Monkeys - Just a band.
The next big thing - JUST A BAND.

Thou shalt give equal worth to tragedies that occur in non-English speaking countries as to those that occur in English speaking countries.
Thou shalt remember that guns, bitches and bling were never part of the four elements and never will be.

Thou shalt not make repetitive generic music.
Thou shalt not make repetitive generic music.
Thou shalt not make repetitive generic music.
Thou shalt not make repetitive generic music.

Thou shalt not pimp my ride.
Thou shalt not scream if you wanna go faster.
Thou shalt not move to the sound of the wickedness.
Thou shalt not make some noise for Detroit.
When I say “Hey” thou shalt not say “Ho”.
When I say “Hip” thou shalt not say “Hop”.
When I say "he say, she say, we say, make some noise" - kill me.
Thou shalt not quote me happy.
Thou shalt not shake it like a polaroid picture.
Thou shalt not wish your girlfriend was a freak like me.
Thou shalt spell the word “Pheonix” P-H-E-O-N-I-X not P-H-O-E-N-I-X, regardless of what the Oxford English Dictionary tells you.
Thou shalt not express your shock at the fact that Sharon got off with Bradley at the club last night by saying “Is it”.
Thou shalt think for yourselves.

And thou shalt always kill.

The video:



The MySpace page for the song.

Buy the song at iTunes.

Kurt Vonnegut dead at 84

An Indiana literary legend is gone.

Rally for Darfur - Sunday, April 15, 2:30 to 4:30 p.m.

This Sunday is Yom HaShoah, Holocaust Remembrance Day. One way to honor those who lost their lives in the Holocaust would be to come down to the Statehouse at 2:30 p.m. for the Rally for Darfur. There will be several speakers and musicians on hand. Come out and urge our government to take action to end the genocide in Darfur.

Happy Easter-over . . . er, Pass-ster

This is way off-topic for this blog, but I couldn't resist. From fusilli. And for those of you who watched The Ten Commandments on ABC last night, check out the 10 Plagues, Peeps version.

A post-apocalyptic tale: The Road (2006)

Every once in awhile, I'll check in to see what Oprah's Book Club is touting as the "must read" of the moment. Most of the time, I'm not drawn to Oprah's selections. But the current OBC book, Cormac McCarthy's The Road, is easily one of the best books that Oprah has ever picked.

The Road, which was nominated for a 2006 National Book Critics Circle Award, narrates the struggle for survival by a father and son in a post-apocalyptic United States. The American countryside has been incinerated in an unnamed disaster. The air is filled with ash; all flora are charred and lifeless. Groups of scavengers roam the highways looking for food. Bands of cannibals hide out in abandoned buildings, waiting for unsuspecting prey to wander by. The father and son, who remain nameless in the book, are making their way to the sea. The father hopes to find some sort of salvation at the shore; what that salvation is, he doesn't know.

At first blush, The Road may appear to be much like other post-apocalyptic stories, which are too many to count and tend to rely too often on stale plot devices. But McCarthy, whom many consider to be one of the most gifted if not the best living American writer, imbues the tale with something different and remarkable. The dead world depicted in the story is merely a setting, a backdrop, for what is a moving tale of the love between a father and a son. They revere each other, not so much because each depends upon the other for the basic necessities of life, but because they formed their unbreakable bond before the world ended.

The Road also emphasizes the moral ambiguities that we all encounter in life. Most of us consider ourselves to be "good," but what does that word really mean? The father tells the son that they are the "good guys." But on one occasion, the father decides not to help another person in need, all because of his desire to preserve the lives of his son and, of course, himself.

This is a book that will have you pondering it long after you've finished it. If you're like me, you'll have a hard time resisting the urge to immediately read it again. McCarthy's idiosyncratic writing style, which is refreshingly simple yet full of prosaic devices designed to keep the reader rapt with attention, powerfully pushes the story along. Even though I don't have children, I was greatly moved by this story. After putting down this book, those of you who do have kids will probably feel compelled to pull them close to you, hold them tightly, and be thankful for the gift of parenthood.

"Why is this night different from all other nights?"

On Monday night, Jews all over the world will gather in their homes to celebrate the first night of the most important Jewish holiday, Passover (Pesach in Hebrew, pronounced "pay-sahkh"). The holiday commemorates the Exodus--the liberation of the Israelites from Egyptian slavery. Those of you who attended Sunday school or who have seen Cecil B. DeMille's unintentionally campy classic are probably familiar with the story, complete with a burning bush, a leader with a speech impediment, ten nasty plagues, and a rousing rendition of "Pharaoh Don't Surf."

Passover lasts for eight days. Before Passover begins, observant Jews clean their houses of all leavened foodstuffs, called khametz, and refrain from eating any khametz during the holiday. To get their bread fix, they substitute an unleavened, cracker-like bread called matzah, which essentially tastes like cardboard with a little salt mixed in. The reason that observant Jews eat matzah is to commemorate the fact that the newly liberated Israelites had to pack up and leave Egypt so quickly that they didn't have time to let their bread rise. Hence, matzah is commonly referred to as "The Bread of Affliction," although some Jews will tell you that it has that name because of the wicked case of constipation that one can come down with from eating too much matzah.

The first (and usually second) night of Passover is celebrated with a ritual dinner called the Seder ("say-der"). The Passover Seder involves the participants reciting blessings, singing songs, eating special ceremonial foods (including matzah), and telling the story of the Exodus. Oh, and there's the drinking of four cups (yes, four cups) of kosher wine (Can you imagine four cups of Manischewitz? Talk about hangover city...).

To follow the order of the Seder, each participant is given a booklet called the Haggadah (plural Haggadot), from which the participants recite the parts of the Seder ritual. Experts in Jewish history believe that most of the Haggadah was written by the rabbis of the Middle Ages. One of the most well-known parts of the Seder, detailed in the Haggadah, is called the Four Questions. The Four Questions begin the Maggid, the retelling of the story of the Exodus. The youngest person at the table recites the Four Questions, which starts with a passage called the Ma Nish-tana: "Why is this night different from all other nights?" The Ma Nish-tana is posed to trigger a discussion of the special rituals of the Seder, such as the reason for eating matzah instead of regular leavened bread.

Okay, enough with the educational stuff. What does this discussion of the Passover Haggadah have to do with words? Well, while all Haggadot have the same basic elements, the wonderful thing about the Haggadah is that no two Haggadot are alike. Some are very traditional and adhere very strictly to the Seder ritual as it has been passed down through the generations. Others are very new agey, complete with all sorts of allusions to nature and spirituality. Still others are quite secular, with more of a humanist theme than a religious theme. There are vegetarian-themed Haggadot, punk Haggadot, feminist Haggadot, leftist Haggadot, and Haggadot filled with literary references. Run a Google search and you will find dozens of Haggadot for downloading. There are even Haggadot that are like open source computer codes, where users from all over the world add to and improve the Haggadah each year. And coffee-maker Maxwell House has been printing a Haggadah since 1934.

But, despite their differences, all Haggadot hearken back to the central themes of any Passover Seder: the celebration of freedom and the desire for freedom for all of humankind. This year, I'm sure that many Passover Seders will have special sections devoted the humanitarian crisis in Darfur. Here in Indiana, I believe that many Seders will have a portion devoted to urging others to become dedicated to the defeat of SJR-7 so that our state constitution will not become a weapon of discrimination.

In closing, if you're not Jewish but happen to get invited to a Seder, I strongly urge you to accept the invitation. There's more than enough in the ritual to be embraced by everyone, Jew and non-Jew alike, especially the call to supporting the cause of freedom.

Sources:

• Judaism 101
• Rabbi Joseph Telushkin, Jewish Literacy (2001).

Socalled - "2nd Cup: Bless The Wine", from The Socalled Seder: A Hip Hop Haggadah.

Matzah!